What’s the opposite of living LaVida Loca? 

I keep dreaming about my ex. The one who I loved when I lived down South. Correction. The one who I thought I was in love with when I lived down South, but he just had an earring and a mullet. (And a southern accent)

I had Chinese last night, and the only reason I’m not wallowing in self pity, hatred and signing up for Mounjaro, is because I had it with my friends. And friends make the world go around.

Has someone put a hex on me?  

Even my skin is bad right now. Its giving me flashbacks to year seven when I had acne and 30% school attendance.

Chat PT said it’s normal to dream about your ex, and my skin is because of my diet, or hormones. Potentially both.  

When did it become normal to confide in a robot?

Which I can vouch for, as I think I went a solid seven days without touching a singular fruit and/or vegetable. And he’s not really an ex.

I’d have to check the math, but I think my life falls apart every time my hair is overdue. The ongoing struggle between bleach blonde and brunette. I am too pale for either.

Why does my natural hair colour look good on literally everybody but me?

I had a conversation with a sports psychologist, and in short, she asked me what my ‘whys’ and my goals were  

Truthfully, I want to be as skinny, hot and rich as possible, whilst also jumping internationally on horses I’ve produced myself

She, in a roundabout way, said that was shallow

It’s a good job I didn’t show her my Pinterest boards

I despise the fact I can remember every old Ed Sheeran song, but cannot remember a birthday present for my niece  

What is the science behind that?

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